Hi
This is going to be a long and naggy post, you’ve been warned…
About this marriage prep talk ‘PREP workshop‘ offered to everyone trying to register for marriage. It was just an introductory course and it only take 2 hours of your life, but the benefits of just that 2 hours will last through your marriage life. Provided.. you take it seriously..
When you hold lover’s hand, it means you hold on to someone precious to you. When you drag that someone to ROM, it means you decided to spend the rest of your remaining life with him/her (in my case i’ll just say “her” or “she” from now on.) So you better make sure, when you say your vow, you mean every word, and you make sure you find a way to do that for the rest of your life.
Well in this era, people will think that nothing last forever right.. I don’t wanna think like that, I wanna think that its a choice. Why do i called it a choice? Because you need to make a decision, that means you think it through, weighing the pros and cons, ask yourself what you really want, convince yourself and put in the effort to make that choice. Keep in mind that this is a lifelong decision and the standard wedding vow always says: “in good times and in bad times”, meaning you need to cater for such times, and when it does happen, adjust your expectations and deal with it, together, with your partner.
Ok lah I need to steer myself back to the main topic liao, I tend to go off track in everything I do and say…
Anyways lets list an example why the PREP workshop (let’s call it PREP from now on) is beneficial. C and me have been together for a number of years now, we been through some ups and downs. The downs, no matter how trivial the reasons, can sometimes go down very quickly, spiraling out of control towards hell.. But after we go for the PREP, we realised that every time we fight, we tend to forget the fact that we are on the same team, its like we throw it out of the window and start throwing punches at each other. Think about it, in sports, teammates sometimes fight with each other due to some conflict in interests. But after fighting, usually you will still try to work together with your teammate right? Whatever ego you have you will put it aside first because ultimately both of you have the same goal, in more than one way. So only when you’re back in the dressing room, calm down already, then you pool the issues on the table and talk it out. We will sometimes ask for a time out when our debate gets too heated up, then when we’re calm, we can continue in a more civilised manner. Its because when we are angry, we go into a battle frenzy, like we kena cast ‘Blood Lust’ and go berserk. If you know what I mean. In that state, you will never in your wildest dreams be able to get anything to work. Trust me, you will destroy everything.
So comes the issue about the common goal, every individual will have their own views so people have different goals in life. What the couple can do is to find a common goal to work towards. I mean, our goals were all ‘man-made’ right… made up by yourself ma.. So why can’t the couple make a series of couple goals? Its easy, just sit and talk about it, it can be simple shit like “having dinner together everyday for the rest of our living days, if possible.” Easy right? I put in the “if possible” because, well, we have to give and take a little.. If we give no variable in our goal we will fight even more. Why so rigid right…
The PREP also taught us to reduce on all the ‘negative interpretation‘. To be honest, I need more work in that department, but yeah I’m getting there. Its like when your partner says no to your whatever requests, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s don’t wanna because she don’t love you anymore, or when you ask her to go out with you but she said she had something on with her friends or colleagues doesn’t mean she rather go out with them than going out with you because she no longer love u, or something along that line. Sometimes we are quick to jump to our own conclusions, so quick we forgot to think of even asking why. Our lives are too short, but that doesn’t mean we need to rush through everything and skip all the little details that might be important, which may mean something else.
Well I can take all day recalling what benefits C and I brought home from that short 2 hrs course. It will get so long you will take weeks to read, currently its at days. OK maybe I’m exaggerating, but I honestly think its very helpful that I wanted to sign up for the full course. There’s this “floor” thingy that we’ve been neglecting, but I think we have something like that in our self-styled strife-resolving mechanism. And lastly, although nobody pays me for anything I say, I still wanna say, this app ‘Between’ is quite helpful. The stickers are so sweet that it always helps soften up the otherwise volatile situations that happens some times between C and I. Between C and I. Between. Whatever.
Ciao people, love each other #%@$^%$@^&s.
Simon
