It is 0255am now. I have conflicted thoughts and mixed emotions lately that I have to try very hard to remain sane.
But I keep reminding myself to have faith.
Faith is essential. Faith is necessary. Faith is what I need now to keep me going.
Then, I was insecure, I have trust issues. I am too protective of myself which resulted in me pushing the people I need away. Then, it was only me.
Now, it is us. I am insecure, I have trust issues and most importantly, guilt. Guilt can be irritating and worrying because it bites you, and bites very hard.
Guilt makes you want to be a good person. Guilt wants you to do things that make people happy. Guilt wants you to be selfless. Guilt makes you feel like you lose a part of yourself.
Every night before I sleep, I thought..
Weiting, where did your values went to? Can anybody still trust you? You bury Audrey and nurtured Claire. But now even Claire is ruined.
I don’t want to be Audrey and I want to forget being Claire. I hate everything its like I feel like I don’t have a say in anything now. I’m getting tired like really tired. What am I supposed to do. 🙁