Real Talk: TTC, Severe Pre-eclampsia, Thyroid, and the Weight of It All”

I was thinking about this space last night. I originally started this blog to share my weight loss journey, my experience with liposuction, our travels, and our life as a typical couple. I stopped blogging after joining sales because the schedule got hectic, and it was really hard to find time to sit down and write. Sometimes, just the thought of transferring photos already made me feel sian.

I even asked Simon to help maintain this space, but now that we’ve become parents, it’s even harder to find the time—especially since he has a full-time job. He still has tons of photos from our recent trips that he hasn’t had time to edit.

By the way, I’m still paying the annual fee to maintain my domain and it’s not cheap, lol.

Over the past few years, there were moments when I really wanted to write, but I just couldn’t bring myself to start. Funny, isn’t it? When I was younger, I used to wish I had more money to travel and experience life so I could share it here. But now that I have the financial ability to do those things, I stopped sharing.

So I started thinking.. what made me stop documenting my life here? Not just here, but also on Instagram. I kind of disappeared from 2018 to 2020. I only started posting again recently, and more active again after having a child. She’s just so adorable, and I’m so happy with my life now. Her birth was both dramatic and traumatic, and that was what pushed me to start sharing again, especially about my severe pre-eclampsia.

But aside from that, this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

A lot has happened. I changed jobs. I got really busy. I achieved my goals. My marriage went through cracks and we nearly divorced. But we pulled through. Then we began our TTC (trying to conceive) journey. I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. We experienced not one, but two losses.

There were so many times I wanted to talk about my TTC journey, but it was too hard to share openly. Trying for a baby and going through miscarriages can really break a person.

After the losses, I buried myself in work. I worked non-stop. It was easier to stay busy because I needed the distraction. We also traveled quite a bit in 2023 and 2024—multiple trips to Japan, and Italy. I also studied, cooked, picked up Guzheng lessons, and even spent over $3K on the instrument, lol. When I wasn’t doing all that, I was busy with TCM appointments and seeing my fertility specialist.

I’m very thankful for my job, it truly changed my life. It was unexpected, but I’m glad I’m still me.

Trying for a baby is such a lonely journey. The disappointment comes monthly, and it only gets harder. No amount of encouragement makes it easier, and any negativity just makes it worse. It eats away at your confidence. You want to open up to someone who’s going through the same thing, but at the same time, you’re afraid your pain might affect them and theirs might affect you too.

I don’t have any close friends who are also trying for a baby or who have experienced loss, so it was really hard to find someone who understood what I was going through. Still, I’m grateful for the people who tried their best to be there for me.

If you’ve known me long enough, you’d know that I almost became anorexic in my teenage years. I struggled with body image and the number on the scale for a long time. This was something I was still dealing with on top of TTC. Before trying for a baby, every time I gained a little weight, I could just diet and exercise to lose it.

But after my first loss, I was diagnosed with a thyroid issue. I think the stress worsened it and led to hypothyroidism. That made me gain weight, uncontrollably. At the same time, I didn’t dare to diet because it might affect my ovulation and menstrual cycle, which would reduce my chances of getting pregnant. So, I had no choice but to accept the weight gain.

Looking back, it really has been a journey. A former colleague recently told me I’ve changed, that I’m braver and less emotional now. The journey to motherhood has transformed me.

I plan to write more about my TTC experience and how I was diagnosed with severe pre-eclampsia. I genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason, and somehow, I’ve always felt like I was chosen to create awareness on these things.