You know sometimes when you want to keep everything in your life but to end up losing everything? Now.. this is what I’m going through……..
Ok dun hate me im just kidding!!
Partly true and not I guess.. This is my first ever episode of my heart to heart series. I think my blog is fill with series and episodes now that I can start converting them to a film. okay.. I think my true self is coming out, ever since simon started blogging here and talking cock, I’m starting to be less demure too. LOL! Anyway I have never been demure so ya..
For the past one year I have been pretty occupied, with part time school, a full time job, blogging and on-off wedding planning.
If you look at this few stuffs, you may think that it’s not a big deal. But if you were in my shoes, you will feel the amount of stress that I am under because I am a ‘perfectionist’. Let me tell you why.
I want my school work to score distinction and above, I don’t allow myself to make mistakes at work, I want my blog posts to be published on time and videos to be uploaded regularly, I want my wedding to be PERFECT. You know I’m the kind of girl who cannot allow things to go wrong.. My background is messy and I want to make it right, that’s why I tend to be super hard on myself.
It had been super tiring this past year but I have been pushing myself through, I kept reminding myself that all this will be over soon.. But seems like I fail..
So.. recently I feel that I’m starting to get really depressed. I get stressed up easily and I can cry over nothing. (obviously not in public) I start to eat alot again, should I say I’m starting to binge again? I get really cranky over every little things, I get angry when people talk to me, I get angry when people ask me to do things and many many more..
I don’t get motivated anymore, I feel that every single thing that I’m doing is a chore. I hate going to school I hate studying I hate working and I just hate everything!
So I made a decision a week ago.. I quit my full time job. I weighed everything before making this decision. I don’t think I will be applying for a full time job anytime soon. But I don’t deny that having a full time job is wonderful, I get to live comfortably and get to spend on things that I want or need. So this feeling is rather weird, I feel like I’m back to the poly student times where I just study and do part time jobs during school holidays. But the only good thing now is I’m left with one more year to complete my degree and I can still work part time in the day as my school is in the night.
I feel much better now, I feel more relieved and happy. I know my life is full of drama but I’m happy that there are those who always support whatever decisions I made, be it stupid or smart. 😛
Okay now I will study hard.. take this time to do whatever I like and prepare for my wedding, things should be better after I finished my school. I can’t wait for it.
‘xian ku hou tian’ okay. 🙂
Thanks for reading this. If you like to know more about my life, just tell me. Im happy to share..
I love you all,
Fingers crossed, hearts crossed, I DONE ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS, YAY!